~~ Preview of upcoming films – May 2004 ~~

Van Helsing – (May 7th)
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale
Director: Stephen Sommers

In short: Jackman plays the famous monster hunter as he battles the Wolf-Man, Frankenstein, and eventually Dracula himself.

My take: One listen to Kate Beckinsale’s horrible attempt at a Romanian accent should be all you need to understand just how bad this movie could suck. Still, the effects look cool and I dig watching Hugh Jackman act like a badass.

RATING: Worth Watching


New York Minute – (May 7th)
Starring: Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Eugene Levy
Director: Dennie Gordon

In short: In the motion picture debut of the Olsen twins, the uptight sister (Ashley), and the rocker sister (Mary-Kate) are forced to team up when Ashley’s daytimer is mistakenly involved in a black-market music piracy scam. Hot on their tails is a wacky truancy officer (Eugene Levy).

My take: If I were 14 and a girl I *might* want to see this movie.

RATING: Ho Hum


Valentin – (May 7th)
Starring: Julieta Cardinali
Director: Alejandro Agresti

In short: Set in turbulent 1969 Argentina, Valentin is the story of an eight-year-old boy whose eccentric parents drive him to seek out a real family. On his quest he touches the lives of those around him.

My take: Looks to be a charming tale about life and family told through the eyes of a child.

RATING: Worth Watching


Troy – (May 14th)
Starring: Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Diane Kruger, Peter O'Toole
Director: Wolfgang Peterson

In short: Epic story of the Trojan War based on Homer’s Iliad. (You do remember reading it in high school, don’t you?)

My take: Ever since my first taste in grade school, I have been addicted to Greek myths. Sadly, I am still waiting for a big screen production to do them justice (and yes! I have seen Clash of the Titans and shame on you for even thinking about it!). With great casting and a competent director at the helm, this film should finally put my waiting to an end.

RATING: Must See


Breakin’ all the Rules – (May 14th)
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Morris Chestnut, Gabrielle Union
Director: Daniel Taplitz

In short: Jamie Foxx gets dumped and then becomes famous for writing a book that tells everyone to dump their lover, before they get dumped. This all backfires when Jamie falls for his best friend’s girl, *after* helping him break-up with her…

My take: I’ve got a better idea: Everyone should dump the idea of going see this movie, before their money gets dumped on this piece of crap.

RATING: Avoid At All Costs


Coffee and Cigarettes – (May 14th)
Starring: Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, GZA, RZA, Steve Buscemi, Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, Alfred Molina, Roberto Benigni, Steven Wright, Jack White, Meg White
Director: Jim Jarmusch

In short: This ensemble comedy is a series of vignettes all involving discussion over coffee and cigarettes. Discussions include caffeine popsicles, the movie industry, Paris in the 20's, Nicola Tesla, and much more...

My take: Rarely has a film looked so unique and hilarious.

RATING: Worth Watching


Shrek 2 – (May 21th)
Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, John Lithgow, John Cleese, Julie Andrews
Director(s): Andrew Adamson, Kelly Asbury, Conrad Vernon

In short: Shrek (Myers) and Fiona (Diaz) return home to meet her (disapproving) parents.

My take: The original was hilarious, but file this one under ‘sequels we never really needed’.

RATING: Ho Hum


The Day After Tomorrow – (May 28th)
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, Sela Ward, Ian Holm
Director: Roland Emmerich

In short: The world is smashed by changes in the ocean currents in this disaster film brought to you by the creators of Independence Day.

My take: This film has high suck potential, but the effects look neat (if seeing NYC getting smashed apart is your thing) and the shot of thousands of Americans in mass exodus across the Mexican border amuses me.

RATING: Morbidly Curious


Raising Helen – (May 28th)
Starring: Kate Hudson, Helen Mirren, Joan Cusack, John Corbett
Director: Garry Marshall

In short: The cool aunt (Kate Hudson) is stuck with her sister’s kids after a tragic accident. Her career plans are put on hold, but she learns a lot about herself and falls in love.

My take: The minute I read anything about this film I thought, could there possibly be a more formula film? And that was *before* I heard “(Your love has lifted me) Higher and Higher” playing over the trailer. Odds are Hudson and the kids will lip-synch this song into a hairbrush before the film ends.

RATING: Avoid At All Costs (The only way I would see this film is if I was strapped to a chair with my eyelids pried open ala Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange and the trauma would still make me have violent seizures whenever I heard “(Your love has lifted me) Higher and Higher.”)


Soul Plane – (May 28th)
Starring: Kevin Hart, Snoop Dogg, Missi Pyle, Ryan Pinkston, Method Man, Tom Arnold
Director: Jessy Terrero

In short: Dakwan (Hart) wins a multi-million dollar settlement and founds his own airline with sexy flight-attendants and in-flight dance parties. A white family (headed by Tom Arnold) is accidentally booked.

My take: It’s nice to know blaxploitation films are still alive a well.

RATING: Ho Hum


Baadassss! – (May 28th)
Starring: Mario Van Peebles, Rainn Wilson, David Alan Grier
Director: Mario Van Peebles

In short: Mario Van Peebles stars as his own father, Melvin, in the story of the struggles he endured in the making of Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song; the film that ushered in the Blaxploitation era of the 70’s.

My take: A fascinating look at guerrilla filmmaking.

RATING: Worth Watching


Saved! – (May 28th)
Starring: Jena Malone, Mandy Moore, Macaulay Culkin, Patrick Fugit
Director: Brian Dannelly

In short: Jena Malone and Mandy Moore star as two popular girls at a Christian high school. Malone ends up pregnant after she tries to ‘save’ a friend who she believes is gay and quickly finds herself as an outcast amongst her judgmental peers.

My take: The film is a religious satire focusing on the dangers associated with youthful religious fever mixed with a world that is not always so black-and-white. Given that the film is being marketed to Christian youth, I am curious to see if this film can expose the problems of intolerance without trashing religion entirely.

RATING: Morbidly Curious


A look ahead to June: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkban, Spiderman 2, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, The Stepford Wives, White Chicks, Dodgeball, Garfield, and more!

- posted by Stephen @ 2:08 PM